Thursday, July 31, 2008

Chronicles of Junior year

Junior year of high school i was in a creative writing class. In it we had to keep a journal. Here are some things i found:

"Hey I'd like to daze away, to a place no one has known. In a state of mind i could call mine, and only i could own. Where i could hum a tune anytime i choose, and there's no such thing as time. Where i feel no pain just calm and sane what a place for one to find." -best lyrics everr from Wonder by Blind Melon

Poem by me inspired by these lyrics:

With a kiss on the lips,
and a wave good-bye,
I drift off to a world,
where time is no obstacle,
and i can live in the moment.

Introduction paragraph inspired by some other story I don't remember:

Tears flowed down her slightly rouged cheeks as they fitted the nose around her neck. She wore a blue-laced dress, and a stolid face; her pride was undeniable. As the volatile plank of wood shook, the usually intractable woman remained silent. She seemed to be, however, and abundance of overwhelming thoughts screamed throughout her mind. The salty drops of water which fell from her eyes involuntarily were the only signs which gave away her true emotions. Her motives were pure and she felt no contrite. What she had done was not wrong, she thought. She did not deserve this, however she had the dissenting opinion, and her death was inevitable.

... There is a lot more but I'll save it for another day :-)

I will spare you

I'm following in the footsteps of Steven ( and writing a blog about how I want to blog about something that is bothering me that I can't/shouldn't blog about...

I mean I could... but then I'd have to kill you.

It's just angst that you don't want to read about anyway.

I'm fine, I really am. There are just a ton of tools out there in the world. Huge freaking tools.
(I just censored my own blog. Try and figure out which word I replaced...)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Call the freaking WAAMublance

I don't want you guys to think that the post below is negative. It's not.. It's just something I realized about myself.

I figured I would just say that because I don't want people to think this is one giant "waaaaa I'm Kristennn listen to my emooo angstyy complaints boooo mehhhhh."

So yes..


Rainbows. Cookies. Peace. Harmony.

Coo Coo for Cocopuffs!

I tend to get a little loopy when I'm disappointed about something.. Kind of when It's so bad and I know I can't do anything about it. So I just get really giggly, turn red, and make jokes. Defense mechanism? I think so.

Not a bad one If i do say so myself.. Hopefully I somewhat amuse people when I'm making somewhat cynical, sarcastic jokes.

There is always (at the least) the tiniest bit of truth in all humor.

... Now I'm trying to think of jokes that don't have truth in them....
Dead baby jokes, Racist Jokes, Helen Keller Jokes...

O.k. so there isn't truth in all humor. I should be more specific.

There is always (at the least) the tiniest bit of truth in all of MY humor.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I have a few things to say...

1- I have a farmers tan

2- Mamma Mia sucked

3- I'm surprisingly enjoying my lazy summer full of sleeping late, reading, and hanging out with friends

4- The Dark Knight was freaking awesome

5- After being perpetually surrounded by love and different types of relationships.. the cynical train came through town.. and I just might have jumped on.

6- Spiderman.. I'm sorry, but I've been having a love affair with Batman over the past few months or so. You will always have a place in my heart, but, well... Batman is a complete badass and you just... can't compete with that.

7- The end.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

"NOBODY GETS ME!" *cries in a corner*

As I glance down at the blog I just posted, I realize I didn't explain the reason I called myself a "dirty whore."

So, to clear things up I will explain my humor.. and in a way... put it in "layman's terms."

Kristen's vocabulary 101: Breaking it down

I often say things such as, "You whore" or "Hey ho!" Whore is merely a pet name.. or nickname of sorts. To clear things up now, Almost every single time "whore" Is said, I don't mean it by it's literal definition. (I would never call someone that, it's just not right)

In addition, "Sexy" is an adjective used QUITE often. But be careful when interpreting a statement including this powerfully, literary word.. It is most often associated with sarcasm.

This is the conclusion of Kristen's vocabulary 101: Breaking it down
You may now proceed to the next blog post. Good Luck, Enjoy, and Don't forget to smile :-)

I'm a Dirty Whore ( who likes misleading titles)

In the figurative, slang sense of the word of course.

I went outside for the first time in ONE WEEK yesterday, and it was FANTERRIFIC! (I have a feeling that my new tendency to combine words like "fantastic" and "terrific" is incredibly lame.. but then again i really don't care, I like it, and I'm going to keep saying it. *sticks out tongue*)

I'm also allowed to shower again (YAY). I wasn't allowed to because of le surgeryy. I have to admit, my hair looked damnnn finee after a week of being in unkempt french braids. Maybe i should start bathing less?

... Maybe i should also realize that my extremely seemingly serious and monotonous sarcasm most likely doesn't come across in bloggyform.

It's nice being able to go out and what not again, but I'm trying really hard to take it easy as I've been ordered by the doctors. (I can't even imagine you guys think i had done. I will probably end up telling you sooner or later. Or maybe I will just stop talking about it if I'm not going to tell you...)

It's really hard to let people do things for me. Mainly physical things. I don't know why really, I just don't like people thinking I'm just some dumb little weakling of a girl. I'll have to get over that pretty quickly though..

I usually go to and from college by myself and do all of the moving, packing, etc. (as much as it sucks making a million trips, sweating pearls under the weight of my clothing trunk) I like to be independent. This year when I go back to school I'm not going to be able to lift much of everything. I'm going to have to watch other people move all my stuff in for me. As of now five pounds is my limit (lamee). I'm also not going to be able to move all my dorm room furniture around. I'm really going to seem like one of those *hunts for strong man, smiles, bats eyelashes, asks innocently, can you carry this for me?*



Maybe this won't be too bad....

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Introductions are overrated

Do you really want me to dance around all the real things I want to talk about and be all perky and say, "Hi! I'm Kristen. Welcome to my blog!"

I didn't think so. I'm not going to try and define what this blog is going to be, what I'm going to talk about, and what I'm like all in one quick paragraph... You'll find out. (If I choose to actually continue this blog. I've never blogged before. We'll see how it goes.)

So here it goes:

Basically my life for the past week: I've been trapped to the confines of my house. I got a surgery that requires me to "take it easy" until Wednesday. Don't worry, it wasn't some crazy life-threatening surgery, It wasn't a big deal. And don't feel offended that I'm not telling you (not that you have any right to, I probably don't know most of the people who are going to read this) I didn't even tell a handful of my friends. I told them that I'm just bumming at home for awhile until this bad sinus infection goes away.

My schedule has consisted of sitting on my butt all day for the past 6 days. I've watched more T.V. than I have all summer, organized my itunes, cleaned my room, organized my desk, conquered many feats in Pokemon Diamond, Solved quite a few annoyingly difficult puzzles in Professor Layton and the curious village (a DS game), re-discovered my Sega Genesis, Read Three books, and about to start a fourth one (the second Twilight book-eee).

All of these are things that i don't mind doing... I just don't like being forced to do things. I mean, when I have to do things, i suck it up and do it, but this is my summer- i want to do what i want. O.k. I'm being overdramatic, it hasn't been that bad. Yes, i haven't been able to sleep, but all of this will be done with soon. Reading books about steamy, hot, vampire love is not the worst predicament. (Yes, I am one of those girls in love with the very hot, but oh so fictional vampire, Edward Cullen)

But something I said before got my mind going. Why is it that people are compelled to blog? To publish some of their innermost thoughts on the internet; a place where anyone has access. Anyone can read this. The people I lied to about my surgery... can read this. (I'm not a huge liar, I promise. Haha, but then again... how would you know I'm not lying?) Perhaps it's to connect. To relate to people. To get all of those spinning thoughts out so your mind doesn't explode.

I mean, I tried the whole "vlog" and video making thing on Youtube, and I loved it. I still love it. I have over 1,100 subscribers on Youtube after almost a year, and I never would have imagined that that many people would EVER want to watch or listen to me. So why did I stop? ... I was so vague on Youtube and to my Youtube friends for why I am taking a break from the tubeee. But I'll be honest here.

After an intense 12 day camping trip (both physically and mentally) I had to take as a gym requirement for my college.. I realized something about myself.

I often define myself how other people see me. And as a more worry-minded, over-thinking type person.. that's not a good thing. I mean, I am a confident person, but there is always that little voice in the back of my brain. I think we ALL define ourselves by other peoples opinions too much, and it needs to stop.

Youtube is somewhat like the "real world" but magnified. Youtube facilitates my tendency to define myself according to how others view me. I see myself trying too hard sometimes, thinking negatively when I see how close some of my yt friends are to other yt-ers and thinking why don't people like me that much?

And all of that is ridiculous. It's absolute crap that i would ever think something so petty like that.

I know I am not the only person who thinks things like this sometimes.

When people describe me as a very outgoing, confident person I am surprised every time. Because how could i be seen as "Confident" when i have things like that going through my head. I am so unaware of myself, and thus came my decision to take a step away from youtube for awhile and try to figure things out.

I need to realize that the only opinion that matters is God's and God's alone.
(there will most likely be references to my faith and Christianity in this blog... I am by no means pushing my spirituality on to you (yes, spirituality and not religion). This is my blog, and therefore my personal beliefs.)

But am I a hypocrite to "step away from youtube" and then start a blog? Hm.. Maybe, I don't know. I think I'll post a video saying that while I'm taking a break I've decided to blog. That way people don't think I'm in some pit of depression or just completely forgotten about all of the people I've grown to know and love.

So comes the close to my first blog post.
If you read the whole thing, well, congratulations. Two thumbs up.