Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Discovered.


Quote from the article by, J. Paul Tanner, "The Gideon Narrative as the Focal Point of Judges"
(An article I had to read for my Old Testament class)

"God desired a leader who would simply worship Him and take Him at His word. For Gideon, this lesson did not come easily... the narrator leaves the reader with a penetrating message: God must bring His servant to a moment when all human confidence is stripped away, he sits silently in humble adoration of his God as the One who is totally sufficient against all odds to accomplish His divine will. Then and only then is he ready to move forward to taste God's victory, though that victory is no more secure or certain than before."

While this passage is about a judge who was supposed to lead Israel out of the oppression of foreign rule... the central message applies.

Everyone has baggage. Everyone has situations and things that have shaped their past and have ultimately shaped the person that they are today. One just needs to be careful that, of those situations that shape them, the negative don't take over.

It's astounding how severely we can be affected by one situation. One situation out of ones ENTIRE LIFE. However hurtful and traumatizing.. one situation certainly doesn't reflect on what all would be... what all can and will be.

... I'm trying not to reveal too much so I'm forced to try and explain myself in extremely vague ways... Maybe I can think of a good metaphor to explain my point.. O.k. so, I can't think of any, but hopefully you get it.

I hate that I have been so dramatically impacted by things that happened last year. (I'm not going to bother hiding the time in which the situation I'm referring to happened... anyone who knows me that is reading this knows what I'm referring to).

I learned a lot about God and grew so much closer to him. My faith grew throughout the entire thing, because He was the only one I could lean on. The only one I could depend on to lead me through, "the valley of the shadow of death." Despite all of this... Despite me knowing that he will guide me, that Jesus will be a lamp unto my feet.. I am fearful. More scared than anyone could ever realize.

There is no place for fear. Fear isn't helping me. Fear is not from God. Courage is action in spite of fear, and that is what i must do. I Know God is with me, but despite that, I follow through with the habits I have progressively developed to shield myself.. to avoid relationships of all kinds solely because 'it' could happen again. However, one situation does not reflect another and i need to put that out of my mind.. Pray, Thank God, have faith, and try my best.

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:31-34


(Prize for anyone who counts the number of times I repeated the word, "situation." The prize is buying me a word of the day calender)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

New game.

Classes can get a little boring sometimes... well, a lot of the time. For most of my classes, I can't bring my lap top so I've gotten into the habit of finding different ways to amuse myself.

One of the latest is writing haikus. I got into the habit of doing it after reading Fight Club (which was AMAZING). For those of you who haven't read it, in the story there is a character who writes little haikus in his head. They can be somewhat violent and disturbing.. but that's besides the point.

So here are some of the haikus I've written. Some of them.. or most of them probably won't make much sense. If you knew everything about me, they most likely would. If you want to know just e-mail or Im me and perhaps I'll share :-)

They are all about friends of mine, situations, my family, myself, or well.. anything really. I guess they're all up for interpretation since I'm not going to write out the meaning of each one.

I'm not sure I really see them as poems... When I wrote them I more thought of them as a poetic way of speaking... Maybe that's the same?

They don't have titles... Here goes:

Weary pensive girl
Stop now, and look up to love
No doubt you must fight

-------------------------------------

Does she realize?
The teacher drones on and on
She drones on and... no.

-------------------------------------

Yes, they are my life.
Vacation? Time is not mine.
Only need. But love?

-------------------------------------

Loving outsider,
Singled out, let us thrive.
Modest, but special.

-------------------------------------

This is progression-
Oh yes, ignorance is bliss.
Love America.



..those are some of the first ones I wrote. I honestly only like a few of them, but I felt like writing a blog. What's really on my mind is perhaps to personal. I could always be annoyingly vague, but no sense in having a pity party now.

Instead it's time to get ready for bed and listen to cold war kids :-)
>> that reminds me. There is SO much new music coming out that I want to get, plus a ton of new bands I'm discovering because I recently subscribed to Rolling stone.. plus I have this thing where i absolutely HAVE to look up a band, movie, book, or anything really that someone references to.. I don't know why.. i just do. Maybe it's just curiousity. ANYWAY, gosh, the point is, if someone wants to be my music buddy and share music with me than that would be fun.. and nice :-)

PAYCE.
(.. once again.. must think of proper sign out..)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Spaz monkey



While you're at college you learn many a lesson... One of the most imperative lessons I have learned thus far is:


Don't jump onto your incredibly tall bed whilst holding a scolding hot bowl of Tomato soup.


... Seems like common sense doesn't it? Don't be fooled because it's not I tell you, IT'S NOT!

I thought I could do it! I had already eaten some of it, and I thought if i balanced myself just right I would make it onto the bed successfully and be oh so proud of my acrobatic skills.

That didn't happen however. I jumped on to the bed and I was SO close to tipping the bowl to the right so it wouldn't spill, but alas it spilled EVERYWHERE.

So like any true college student would... I cleaned up the puddles and then sprayed the room down with febreeze.


Thank you and Good-night.


Oh and the picture has nothing to do with anything. I just thought it was funny.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Quad break... Saturday.

I added this picture for good measure. It's not that fantastic or anything, I just thought it would jazz things up. What do you think about the sunglasses? They're pretty ugly, but I thought I might be able to get away with anything. Hahaha that was supposed to say "them..." might be able to get away with THEM. Freudian slip?

And back to your regularly scheduled blog:


Best. Lazy. Saturday.
A colormekristen play by play:

I started the day by NOT setting my alarm clock and waking up at 12:30.. DUN DUN DUNNN.
It was the best. I felt a little dissoriented, I really did. It's so weird waking up that late when at college waking up late has become sleeping until 8 a.m.

The rest of the day (which is yet to be over) consisted of watching some of T.V., eating my favorite cereal Special K complete with strawberries, reading Paper Towns, and running on the tredmill while watching Friends and Sex in the City :-)

Currently I'm flipping back and forth between Hannah Montana and Myth Busters.

.. What a great day. I wonder what will happen next.

Haha oh, here's an anecdote for ya.

My dad is hilariously passive aggressive. My dad agreed earlier that it would be o.k. to order pizza tonight from Gino's so I could get their especially amazing ceaser salad (since I'm only home for the weekend and as everyone knows.. you can't beat ny food.. most of the time)

So I'm in my room chillaxxxxinnnn and I hear a knock on the door. 'come in'
My dad peaks his head in the door.

'uh.. hey, do you wanna order chinese?'
Translation: "Hey Kristen, I want to order Chinese."

O.k. so maybe that wasn't the best anecdote. Usually anecdotes are supossed to be funny and that is only funny if you know how my father is.

I said yea, no problem. If you want to order chinese we can. Honestly I really don't want chinese, but he has a tax deadline coming up and he hardly sleeps so I'll just give in.

I have other way more interesting things to blog about, but ignoring them and talking about what I'm going to eat for dinner is a lot easier than analyzing the other things on my mind. I can do that later when I'm painting my nails and exfoliating.

Haha. As much as I love adventures, video games, and superheroes I'm such a girly girl.
...so many sarcastic jokes going through my head right now.

O.K. enough of this blabbering.

um... peace out?
(note to self- must come up with a proper sign out for ze blog)

Monday, October 13, 2008

I want to live in the 90's and be surrounded by plaid and grundge rock forever.


To the right you will notice a picture of a random boy from some band I can't remember the name of.. Wait, I remember, they were called The Virgins.

I was just so amused by him. His hair was so perfectly 90's, not to mention is holey shirt, ripped jeans, and leather jacket. I just love it. So cheesy, so good!

.. hmm, that should be my catch phrase. "So cheesy, so good." I'll say it at the beginning or end of each video or blog. I feel like it sums up a good portion of my humor. A lot of the time I want to say something serious, but because I know it will sound so cheesy, I say it in this dumb voice.. I can't really describe it via interwebz. The 1 of you who probably reads this will just have to wait until I meet you to see.

The virgins weren't toooo bad, but they were fun to dance around too. Besides the fact that they smelled quite bad, it was so different going to an.. hm.. Indie.. alternative-ish show rather than a hXc show or something. I didn't have to push my way through crowds, stand next to a shirtless sweaty old man, or fight people away on the edge of a mosh pit so I don't get punched in the face. The only downfall would be is that there wasn't any crowd surfing or stage diving.

I was right against the stage and my roommate and I just danced the night away (this would be one of the kinds of statements i say in that mysterious voice I mentioned.. it's getting to sound weird isn't it?).

The black kids were really nice, too. We got to meet them before the show and get signed cd's because my roommate, jess, won tickets via FNX, a radio station.

... I think there was something else I wanted to say.. but i can't remember. I'm going to be posting a video in a day or two so look out for it :-)

I feel like I should say bye or sign out in some way..
Bye y'all?

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Save Some Face

My ability to try and avoid any situation that has even the slightest possibility of being awkward is astounding.

I am walking up the hill to my dorm this afternoon, and a guy I just met the other night is walking towards me.. Did I:

A) Keep walking towards my dorm like a normal person and casually smile at him as he passes
B) Lustfully skip towards him and embrace him as soon as our eyes meet
C) Over think it and walk out of my way behind the buildings to a different path to avoid any kind of interaction with him

..If you picked option C then you'reee correct!! Come one downnn [game show voice] !

What's the worst that could have happened? I trip and fall? I fail to realize that I have a humongous piece of food stuck to my face? Most likely what would have happened is that I would have kept on walking.. and we both would have smiled or said hello.. The end.

Next time I'm not going to turn away. Next time I'm going to keep on walking and be all casual, fun, cool, and not awkward like. These kinds of situations among other kinds makes me realize how much I can relate to the Miley Cyrus song, "See You Again." Also, "If we Were a Movie."
... That's a little pathetic. But it's the story of my life.

Anyhoooo.

For now I'm going to take a break from homework and watch t.v. or read clockwork orange or something (there's nothing wrong with a little escapism sometimes). I haven't had time to relax lately and it's a great opportunity since everyone is out with their families and what not for homecoming weekend. The campus is pimped out because it's also gordon experience weekend for the little inquiring students chillins.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Mysterious Californian Boy

It was just like any other night of Tele-counseling. Tuesday and Thursday nights sitting in the same spot for three hours, saying the exact same thing over and over again.. Until I called J.T. (Those are his initials. It's maybe.. just maybe not right to disclose someones location and full name all over the internet )

We were calling inquiring students from California to tell them about our event especially for west coasters, called Coast to Coast.

"Hi, My name is Kristen and I'm calling from _____ college. I saw that you were interested in our school so I just wanted to call and see how your college application process is going so far."

He was so excited to ask questions, and actually be talking to a student who currently attends the school that he is so interested in.

But I'm not blogging about some random boy I talked to once just because he wants to go to my school. He started to tell me about how as much as he wants to visit, he can't because his father is in the hospital with brain cancer. He visits constantly to help with the recovery process after surgeries, yet still has enough time to graduate high school in three years. He also plays sports, and finds the time to volunteer.

He was also in the middle of writing an English paper when I called.

His energy was just so amazing. After leaving message after droning message and talking to unenthusiastic teenagers of course it's going to be nice to finally speak to someone a little excited, but it was different.

Despite how incredibly hectic his life is right now, he seemed completely at peace. I wouldn't say he was optimistic, he just had complete faith in God. I guess that is optimism.. not optimism that your future is going to be bright, happy, and filled with pots of gold and butterflies.. but optimistic that God will be there for you and help you through everything.

I told him that I would pray for him, his family, and his fathers recovery and he quickly asked if there was anything I wanted him to pray for.. because he loves praying for people.

He said so much more than what I have written of him, but I was honestly just too consumed by his amazingly bright spirit to remember it all word for word.

This small and simple interaction with this boy, J.T. showed me some of what so many relationships are lacking today. God calls us to love and support one another. So many people are hindered by their tendency to judge first and get to know later.

Ugh, I don't articulate my thoughts very well.. All of these thoughts and so many more went through my head right after the call with J.T. occurred, and yet I'm somewhat incapable of re-iterating them. They sound so good the first time I think them, but I just can't seem to put them down. Practice makes perfect, I guess.

Anyway.

J.T. is just one example of how God's glory can be shown through anyone. He was completely honest with what was going on in his life and gave me a little glimpse of his outlook on things. Doing that for just one minute showed me just one of the many miracles God performs everyday and the variety of ways God can speak to us.

No matter what I'm going through.. no matter how I'm feeling.. I need to have faith. It's said so easily.. but something as letting go of all your worries for tomorrow and thanking God for the very things that are driving you crazy.. is needless to say.. a difficult task.