Saturday, January 31, 2009

I'ma just be.

I find it funny how you can never really completely know yourself. As much as you may give your friends and family advice.. it's different when you are actually in the situation. Why do we constantly hand out counsel that we ourselves cannot take?

It's so easy to be blind to others feelings and maybe that's why. When you're shelling out advice it's way easier to think about it pragmatically. When you are "in it" though, it's not that easy. You have things rushing through not only your brain, but your heart. Why are these two organs which are working together for one purpose, to keep us alive, so constantly adversary?

It must be annoying to the few people that read this that I always propose questions that I myself cannot answer. Or if I could, it would take far longer than one blog post.

I don't know why it is that most people cannot take their own advice, but I have an idea for why I can't. The adjectives that tend to be used to describe me are "innocent" and "naive" Among others.. I'm constantly labeled with those words. Maybe that's why I have trouble taking my own advice. I'm just trying to live my life, and this is how I am. Take it or leave it.

That's all we can do.
...or try to do.


"What's important is focusing on living and breathing... and keeping our energy high so we can make the wolrd a more vital place for others." -Alexandra Stoddard

Friday, January 30, 2009

Ohmygosh.

So, I officially have a job.. Not officially actually, their only taking me as a temp for the next 3 months to see if I fit in. But the lady spoke very highly of me apparently, and Isn't interested in anyone else. Also, they said their looking for some one more long term basis since the last people they had stayed for up to five years and then the other stayed for 10. So, I assume that if they like me this much that they would like me to stay for that long too.

It's a receptionist-administrator position for an accounting company in Boston. About 20 something people work in the office, so it's not a huge place. I'm going to be working 9-5 Monday through Friday, plus a little overtime during tax season.

I only get two weeks of vacation for the entire year. I'm not sure if that includes sick days... It most likely doesn't.

.. I'm really in the adult work world. Part of me really didn't want to get this job. I wanted to be a responsible working 19 year old at some store on Newbury st. where I can get as much time off as I want just by making sure someone can cover for me. At this job it's really just me. If I'm not there than the person who covers for me is the billing person. Haha, I don't remember what she is.

As well, I don't get time off during tax season...And, essentially it's tax season as soon as I start working.

I'm just all complaints now, aren't I? When it comes down to it, this is a great opportunity. I'm going to be getting real work experience, which will look great on my resume. Plus, it's more money than I would be making at some random store job, which I might have preferred. I may have to sacrifice having fun here and there, but hey.. that's life. If I really hate it than I can give myself a deadline of 6 months to a year of working there.

Guess It's time to hem my other pair of work pants.
... Guess it's time to get another pair of work pants so I'm not gross and wear the same ones every single day.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Oh, blip.fm.. How you inspire me so.

"...happiness is so hard to find."

Is happiness in fact hard to find? My initial reaction is to just take that statement for what it is.. Yea, sure it's hard to be happy. But I think further and I want to say "No. Happiness is not hard to find."

Let's be real- disappointment and reasons for depression creep around every corner. However unfortunate that fact may be, it is never going to change.

I don't think happiness can ever be found. I think happiness can never truly be found because it cannot be looked for.

People waste away their entire lives trying to "find happiness." I may be just 19, but I've wasted away more years than I can count trying to find happiness. It's useless.

Contrary to popular belief, in most cases, it's not actually the situation which needs changing.. It's the person. Everyone views the world with a different set of lenses. And sometimes all you need to do is change those lenses. Now, I know I'm starting to sound like an infomercial for some "Change Your Life" disc-set, but it's true. Stop being so effing negative and look on the bright side. Rather than only acknowledging the abundant flaws which are present, look at what's right. Stop thinking about what you can't do, and what you can do.

It's that simple, yet that difficult.

Point being.. GET OFF YOUR ASS. You're not going to find happiness, and happiness is most definitely not going to find you if you're just sitting idle. The only thing you can do is just.. be.

Be happy with yourself.
Be happy with what you're doing.
Be happy.

... Just.. BE.
(Oh, and be a good person. If there's one thing I've learned from my sister it's that good intentions only go so far...They pretty much go nowhere.)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

19 years old.

Reality- The world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

Imagination- The faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.

Distinguishing between the real world and a daydream may seem like such a simple task. For all, however, it is not. For the first time in my life, I realized the true definition of reality. Reality is when imagination can no longer come into play. When you realize that your oh so vivid, yet invented perceptions of the future can never actually occur. It's truly saddening.

This is also why monotony can tend to leave one feeling so downtrodden. When inventiveness can no longer come into play, what are you left with?

I wish I could elaborate on these notions further, but I cannot. The conclusion of these thoughts have yet to be had, for the future is not yet with us.






Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Live on

This endless fright can only stop at danger.

I'm sure this path has before seen daybreak,
though the notions still remain-
a pond fighting stagnancy: emotions layered; face indistinctly translucent.

People continue to say we were born to die,
as the fight of whether or not time is on my side presses onward.

Refraining from doubt to prevent the wheels from turning,
uncertainty watching every step.

In the face of my disregard,
their skepticism voiced increases the growth of my dwindling strength.

This endless fright can only stop at danger.
My resolution abides.

Try it with a little sour mix. It's called the Kristen.

I like soda now. Isn't that weird? My whole life I never liked it because of the carbonation, but now I can actually drink it without... not liking it. I feel like an adult.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The 59th Street Bridge Song by Simon and Garfunkel

Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.
Hello lamppost,
What cha knowing?
I've come to watch your flowers growing.
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in' doo-doo,
Feelin' groovy.

Got no deeds to do,
No promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, I love you,
All is groovy.


AMEN. Best song right now. I'm also loving If I could.. All off their album Sounds of Silence.

I really really hope that I'm still going to be able keep this attitude when I start work, and have to start dealing with bills, etc. Life is life and obviously none of that is going to be peachy keen, but it's stuff that you just have to do. I'm scared but.. what else can I do?

My only goal in terms of what profession I choose is to not have a job I hate. Right now that doesn't quite count because it's purely for the money.. but once I decide what i want my schooling to be in.. that applies. I don't want to spend my life living for the weekend. I want to be able to enjoy where I am in the moment.

Right now I'm happy with where I am and what I'm doing.. I just hope it isn't just that way because what I'm doing... isn't much of anything.

I think I really need to work harder on improving myself and challenging myself. Creatively and as a person in general. I put it off until I came here, and now I've been putting it off until I have a job. All of that is ridiculous.

THERE IS NO TIME LIKE NOW.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

This is me pondering important life questions.


O.k. the big topic of conversation for the past few months of my life has been the variation between to want and to need. I'm going to try and work it out.

Want- have a desire to possess or do (something); wish for
Need- require (something) because it is essential or very important

*Insert my train of thought here* It's kind of pointless to read through the entire thing.

There is so much room for doubt in the harder path of doing what you "need to do" because you can't ever be completely sure of what you do in fact need to do. All I know is that you can just live your life fulfilling every desire.

All you can do is be confident in yourself, and in the decisions you make. If you feel guilty or shameful about something.. then it's likely and quite possible that it's not the right thing for you to be doing. Put faith in yourself. And If you believe in a higher power... in a personal God, not just a clock-maker God.. than put faith in Him. Because He's there for you, leading you. You just need to trust Him.


"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Muriel Strode

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Appreciation.

There is a huge hill near the house that I'm living in at the moment. If you stop on the very top of it at night, you can see all of Boston shining. I love those twinkling lights. And back home on Long Island If you drive around this really ritzy neighborhood nearby... as you come around one specific bend in the road right off the water, you can see the Throgs neck bridge and all of New York City. It's so beautiful. All of the lights fading in and out as you sit in the warmth of you car craning your neck to see the city above the tall grass.

Tonight, as I was walking inside I just happened to glance up. Stars. I was amazed that even when so close to the city... I could see the stars. Not just a few like when I would gaze up outside of my house on Long Island.

I don't what it is about the stars, or the lights of a big city that encapsulates me so.
Whatever it is... I was just really memorized by them tonight, specifically.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm rubber, you're glue. *na na na na- naaa naaaaa*

I recently had someone say to me "You're so weak." Whether it was in jest, or not.. it hurt.

What separates the weak from the strong, however, is determination. And that simple statement has made me even more determined to do what I want to do.

I am saying here and now that I'm going to absolutely go through with what I need to do. Initially, it'll suck, but I need to stick it out until it no longer does. What I need to do should be what I want to do. Eventually, I think, that can happen (with some things at least).

Maybe I am too optimistic, but even so I don't want that to change. I'm perfectly happy being one nice dose of hopeful optimism, a lb or so of cynicism, and a few dashes of reality.

Here's to willpower *clinky clink*

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I think I can, I think I can...

Self-control is never fun... But at least it gives you interesting dreams. Gosh.

Monday, January 19, 2009

1/9/09

video


Ma-ma gurl- ma ma- ma gurl.
*sung to the beat of Grillz by Nelly*

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I have talent.

Uh... I have no Idea what that is. A Gay leather clad drag queen? Oh, and that's a heart belt.


Hula Gingerbread girl.


Eve. Yes, it's slightly/incredibly creepy.


Drakesizzle! (Kinda? I tried..)

Friday, January 16, 2009

Boston

Little Girl so young and naive,
writing about what you don't know.

Rest your eyes and be not weary,
for your fantasy world awaits.

If we were to produce only what already exists,
all paper would be stark.

The cold streets of New York City would be colder,
42nd street traceless of dancers; with no shine.

Mothers and Fathers empty handed before they put the kids to bed,
the children would cry.

Beach bum girls with their tans on the way to the beach,
empty magazines in tow.

Good-bye Hollywood,
all of you aspiring filmmakers and musicians alike.

Originality and all that remains unique,
good-bye.

Only dullness-
Gray.

Every shade of Khaki Imaginable-
oh wait.

But ghost towns of still color lye dormant,
don't be afraid to explore.

Go quickly now because flowered fields and endless rainbows await,
or merely step back with ease and let it become what it was before.

Embrace the reds, the blues, yellows and every shade of green.

Clouds may conceal it,
but I know you can see through.

Dream on child, Dream on.

Mysterious Factor- ZERO.

The score is weighted to one side, and I feel as though I'm definitely losing. [edit] Scratch that, I'm most definitely losing.



At least I have my fucking integrity. It's time to float back down to reality.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

When Blip fails...

Go listen to Let's not Shit Ourselves (to love and be loved) by Bright eyes. Make sure to listen to the lyrics, while fully appreciating Conor Obersts orgasmic voice.

One thing I love about music is how it's composed of a bunch of different little things. How the lyrics, the vocals, and instruments all come together to make one piece. To close your eyes and just concentrate on the melody, and then the vocals, etc. Ah.

It's just so good. Something so amazing can't be fully described with fancy words. Sometimes the most complex things are best described with one simple word. "It's just... good."

On a completely seperate, non-related note... This is what www.gurl.com said about me (I was killing time, don't judge me):

"You can find luck through your own charisma and drama. Through your strong, enthusiastic personality, you can attract much success and attention -- sales or the theater are just two arenas where you could do well. Easy-going, you can let rejection roll off of you. You must, however, learn to temper your tendency toward exaggeration and pomposity if you want people to take you seriously."

Apparently my 'luck sign' is Cancer. I don't know what that means besides the lucky planet jupiter was near cancer on my birthday? I don't know. But, WTF. I am not pompous. Haha, I don't take these seriously, I just find them amusing when they are accurate... or not anywhere near accurate. And this one is quite accurate, besides the whole pompous thing. I do tend exaggerate things and be pompous too, but I only do those things in sarcasm.

Haha, that's pretty much all for now.

But, wait, what are my current career path options right now, you ask?
Film/Media Studies- Communications, Social Work- Sociology, Nursing.

My mother has always tried to convince me to be either a Nurse or a Sign Language interpreter, and neither have struck my fancy, but recently being a Physicians' Assistant sounds pretty o.k. to me.

Who knows. We shall see. For now the priorities are apartment, then job. I'll keep mulling over what I'm going to do with my life because I'm absolutely determined to get my degree and do what I want to do (whatever that may be).


Bye, Kittens.
(I don't know why I had the urge to call you kittens.. but there, I did.)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Seriously.

How am I supposed to figure out what I want to do with my life? I have career aspiration ADD.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Willingly Uncomfortable.

But this life anew,
Fleeting and yet to assuage,
Breathes earnest zeal.

Friday, January 9, 2009

For a Friend.

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning."
-Ivy Baker Priest

January is a time of beginnings. A time signifying change. For some, this past New Years signifies no more than the last, but for others it represents worlds of new changes. Wanted change and needed change.

Stop living in the past, and let yourself become what you've wanted to become for so long.

I see change as such a beautiful thing, I really do. But the actual process of it... sucks. It in itself is an ugly process. Trying to change something about yourself that is already en grained... going against your natural instincts, despite the pain, because you know it's the right thing to do.

But getting to the other side...and it is possible to get to the other side- Is absolutely amazing. To look back at who you used to be, and what used to go on, and know that you got through it. You did it. You did it.

I can't do any of this without God. I am a Christian. I understand, however, that others already have strong beliefs which, don't include God. So I say if you want to do any of this...just find that thing to hold on to.. that one constant.. or hope.. so that you can accomplish all of the things which are just lying there restlessly in your heart.

"My joy, my peace of mind, and my reality are no longer controlled by anyone or anything outside of me. This is the day I begin living my life from the inside out...I am helping to create my own life rather than letting the quality and richness of my life be decided by what is happening to me and around me."
-Ivy Baker Priest

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Fruitless Toil

Every part of me cries retreat, retreat.
-Retreat.

Strangely, yet in tandem-
A small glimmering light from somewhere within gleams.

Yearns-

For momentum, initiative of any kind!
Why is not my precarious version destiny of more predictable?

O.K., Soldier on, sweetie.
Go ahead and craft that fallible sense of freedom.

Because we all know that sovereignty over your feelings…
Is-completely-fruitless.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It's my blog and I can post stupid surveys If I want to.

So shoot me. It's one of my many guilty pleasures.

My 100 Truths...
1. Real name – Kristen Rose
2. Like it? – I used to hate my name, but now I'm fine with it.
3. Single or taken? – Single
4. Zodiac Sign –Virgo
5. Male or female? – Female
6. Elementary – censor?
7. Middle –censor?
8. High – censor?
9. College – went to a christian college but I bizzounced and now I'ma find a new one. YAY
10. Hair Color – Brown
11. Eye Color - Browny
12. Hair Length – long
13. Current worry – Haha. What isn't my worry? There's always stuff floating in the back of my brain, but I try not to let it bother me too much.
14. Race – Caucasian? I mostly Polish and Romanian, but few generations down.
15. Are you a health freak? – Not particularly.
16. Height – 5'2
17. Do you have a crush on someone? – Depends on what your definition of "crush" is
18. Do you like yourself? – Most of the time
19. Piercings – Yes.
20. Tattoos –Yes.
21. Righty or lefty? – Righty.

Firsts...
22. First surgery - Gum surgery
23. First piercings – ears
24. First best friend – Erin Utzig
25. First award – Gosh, I don't know. One of those pity soccer awards when I was REALLY young.
26. First sport – Soccer (if walking around the field chatting with a girl from the other team counts)
28. First vacation – Disney when I was 4, I think.
29. First teacher - Miss Igo. I LOVED her.
30. First crush –Haha. brown bowl cut boy (I don't remember his name) in nursery school. I would always try to put my mat next to his during nap time (what a little tramp I was hahah)

This Or That...
31. Orange or apple juice? Hm... I like both. Orange juice.
32. Rock or rap? – What type of rock? Rock, definitely. Although, I do like rap.
34. *NSYNC or Backstreet Boys? - Haha. BSB all the way.
35. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera? – Christina. I never had a britney album.
36. Night or day? – Gosh, right now I'm a night owl without a doubt.
37. Sun or moon? – 00. neither? I like those mid times like sunrise or sunset or that perfect time of day where the sun is going down and the shadows are perfectly defined.
38. TV or Internet – Haha duh. Internet.
39. PlayStation or Xbox? – Playstation. So old school. The first one.
40. Kiss or hug? That's a hard question. Both are quite nice. Both?
41. Iguana or turtle?- Oo Iguana. I always wanted one.
42. Spider or bee? – eeee I don't like either. I'm going to say spider (even though i hate them) just because bees buzz around my ears and you can't see them and i hate it.
43. Fall or spring? - Fall.
44. Limewire or iTunes? – eh. I don't like either. I want to say itunes just because it's more organized.
46. Soccer or baseball? – Neither? I like watching and playing both, some. O.k. I guess baseball.

Currently...
50. Drinking – nothing.
51. I'm about to – Finish this dumb survey
53. Singing – Only when I'm driving, in the shower, or alone in the house(my favorite).
54. Typing – these answers?

Future...
55. Want kids? -In a long time.
56. When? – When my partner and I are prepared and ready.
57. Want to get married? – Suree, why not.
58. When? Whenever it's right.
59. Where do you want to live? – I'm fond of Mass, honestly. Gosh, I can't believe I'm saying that. I would like to live anywhere. I would love to travel, I don't know.
60. How many kids do you want? – Two, probably.
62. What did you want to be when you were little? – An Actress.
63. What do you think you'll really be doing? – Oh gosh. I have no idea. A social worker maybe?
64. Mellow future or wild? – either one as long as I'm happy and doing what I want/need to do.
67. When do you want to die? - A long time from now, hopefully.

Which Is Better...
68. Lips or Eyes – I don't care really. Eyes.
69. Hugging or kissing –This was asked already wasn't it? I don't know. I'm not going to be a pris and say o0oo hugging. lol, I duno.
70. Shorter or taller? – Anyone that's taller than me.
71. Tan-skinned or light? - Once again.. no preference.
72. Romantic or spontaneous? – Romance can be spontaneaous and spontaneouty is romantic.
73. Dark or light hair? - Usually I like darker hair.
74. Muscular or normal? – Normal. Huge muscles kind of gross me out.
75. Hook-up or relationship? – Relationship
76. Similar to you or different? –Hm. Similar in some ways, but different enough so I can grow and learn. No need for another me.

Have You Ever...
78. Kissed a stranger? –Um.. haha, no.
79. Drank bubbles? – nope.
80. Broken a bone? – Slightly, barely.
81. Climbed up a tree? - Definitely. Climbing trees is so fun!
82. Broken someone's heart? – In some way I must have throughout the past 19 years of my life..
83. Turned someone down? – Yea.
84. Had your heart broken? - In a friendship.. but gosh, I guess not.
85. Liked a friend as more than a friend? –Yes.

Do You Believe In...
86. Yourself? – Yes
87. Miracles? – Yes
88. Love at first sight? – Hm. No, not really.
89. Santa Claus? –Haha, no. I'm sorry, kids.
90. Kiss on first date? – Haha. Most cases that's a no. Maybe a kiss on the cheek.
91. Angels? – I'm not sure. I would like to say yes, I do believe in angels.

Answer Truthfully...
92. Are there people you want to be with right now? – Of course.
93. Who?- My friends <33 Ones from online, ones from offline. I like them.
94. Like someone? – Mebeeee...

Lasts...
95. Text message? - Caitlin
96. Received call? - Caitlin (different caitlin)
97. Call made? –Shari
98. Facebook message? – Misha
99. Missed call? – Shari
100. Last hung out with – Paul, Tim, Travis, Jake, and Caitlin.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Copy cat: neener, neener, neeeeener.

A few people have done this Skype guess who thing and it looks like funnn. (I didn't do everyone) Here we go:

-I should make an effort to talk to you more. You seem like a really cool person
-I used to talk to you tons, but not so much anymore. I wonder what you're doing with your life.
-I'm so glad we've been talking more lately. You're one of my favs<3
-You're hilarious. The end.
-I'll be honest... don't really like you.
-You are a computer wizard.
-There is no way that you are actually your age. You must be lying.
-If you hurt my friend In anyway I will hunt you down and personally kick your ass. You have no idea.
-Crap, I don't remember who you are?!
-You're nice.
-So cute, so cute.
-You've been subbed to me for awhile and you speak gangsta.. we would probably get along.
-You're really fun. I want to meet you again.
-I never knew your voice was SO amazing!
-I rock out to your tunes on my ipod all the time.
-Your skype goal was really cool.
-I hope I get to know you more. You seem wicked cool. (I said wicked hahaaaa)
-You remind me of me when I was younger... except you're a lot cooler. haaaa
-I Lovee you! We don't talk often, but when we do it's so much fun. Hm.. I'm going to skype you.
-I want to learn your language so I can whisper sweet nothings into peoples' ears.
-You seem nice, there's just something about you that.. I don't know.
-I wish I could just walk around your brain and see what's in there. You intrigue me some.
-Haha. I can't believe I fangirled you. You only talked to me because I helped inflate your ego.
-You were one of my first subscribers :-) Thanks bud.
-I find you hilarious. I would want to chizzill with you all the time If i lived where you are.
-You help keep me sane, you really do. Which is quite odd since we're not sane at ALL.
-You're such a cool kid. I'm glad we started talking.
-I liked the back in the day days when we were competing for subs. Good times. Now, that I think of it.. where the heck have you been?
-You totally used your friend to seem cooler.
-I can't figure out whether you're nice or whether you're a huge bitch.
-You're a nice girl. I hope you don't dig yourself into a hole again. OUT I SAY OUT.
-I want to be friends with you. You're so intelligent, and funny.
-If only you weren't so busy with school. I feel like we're sooo similar.
-You totally scared me at first. Hah, that whole time was quite funny looking back on it.
-You live for yourself and only yourself.
-You make amazing videos.
-We don't talk at all anymore. It's sad. We go back.
-I can't figure out if your genuine or not. But you're fun and cool to talk to on skype.
-You made me feel welcome in that whole crowd.
-You're nice. I'm glad we still talk some via the random internet sites we both use. I wonder what you're like in person.


THAT TOOK SO LONG. Now freaking guess who you are.
lol that was draining.

(Btw.. Gosh. I'm so uninteresting! Everyone has these intense Skype things with ravenous love and hate and mine are just.. i like you.. your nice. I need to spice it up. Either love more or hate more. Maybe a little bit of both. WTH).

Random.










Things I've found and things I've taken...
I'll let you decide which are which (mwhahaha, you'll never knowww)

Monday, January 5, 2009

What drives me.

I feel the consistent urge to share. To open up my heart and innermost thoughts with people for that small but amazing chance to connect. I hope that with my opening up, other will open up too. I'm beginning to learn that sometimes you just need to ask.

Connecting-this is the one thing that every single human being has in common- that drive to connect with one another in some way.

That's why I blog (I feel so nerdy saying that).

I've been trying to figure out why it is that I tend to share a lot of myself on the internet via this blog, despite my fear of what will happen once I do that.

It's easier to share here. You don't have to worry about one's initial reaction... because you don't see it. And honestly, I think I respect and trust more of the people I know from youtube than I do people from the college I attended.

I'm cleaning my room and putting things away so I can be more organized and not take as much CRAP when I go back up to Massachusetts. I was putting away some books when I found a letter. The letter.

In this letter one of my best friends essentially listed everything that she didn't like about me. She ends the letter with, "Thanks so much for reading this, I really appreciate it Kristen. Here's to the hope that something good can come out of this weirdness..."

Not all of what she said in the letter was completely unfounded, however, a letter like this is never necessary. It's one of those letters that you might write out of frustration but never, never actually give to that person.

I read the closing sentences of that letter with a smile on my face...
Because all that has come from "this weirdness" is her remaining the same bitchy person she is and always will be, and I've changed in ways I can't even begin to express. I honestly feel kind of bad calling her a bitch, because I truly believe in all of the potential for change in people... but I feel my tone is quite granted.

We're no longer friends, and I'm glad we're not. I am happy with who I am. There is nobody I should change for other than myself, and God (there are probably some exceptions, but you get the point).

I may have decided that the college I chose to attend is not for me, but I in no way regret going there. I've grown so much because of the people, the environment, and even La Vida (the camping trip I went on). Youtube has without a doubt taken a large part in my growth as a person, as well. I'm finally beginning to be the person I've always wanted to be.

I have no idea what God has in store for me next...
But here's to 2009.

This is what I do when I can't fall asleep.









All done at www.photofunia.com and www.dumpr.com (because I don't have photoshop and iphoto sucks)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Weird dream.

I always have dreams about things that seem to be buzzing around in the back of my head, bothering me. For once I would like to have a non-stress induced dream where I just skylark and do fun things. Nothing too bathetic.

All of my dreams tend to be quite obscure too. Nobody but me could ever really get the true meaning of them...Much like anything else that comes out of my imagination.

I just had the desire to say something about "creation" so I could rhyme it with imagination.
Note to self- write beat poem about creation/imagination?

Either that or I can write my portion of Gangster Like We....
(mwahaha I'm not going to explain further it's top secret.. except not really because it's on my snapvine comment thing) I've just been putting it off because how could I ever try and compete with the gangsterhood of Chriseff? I don't know.. I just don't know. *sobs of shame*

Anyway, my weird (very short) dream:

I had a dream that I found another survey I wanted to post on here. So I filled out the survey, and I remember thinking 'Wow, this is a really interesting survey. What good questions.' And I'm finishing it up, and my mom comes in and starts to correct all of my grammar and various mistakes I made. And at the same time I'm thinking, crap, I can't post it on blogspot yet, I posted a different survey just a few days ago.

THE END.

... I told you it was short. Quite random really. I'm not sure that it means anything besides that at some point in the day I was thinking about how my mom is annoying and about how I like good surveys.


P.S.-(can you guess which two words are from my word of the day calendar?)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

C'est 2009!

Something I wrote awhile ago. It's somewhat comforting. I feel like I should be listening to Everything's gonna be alright by Bob Marley. I Just blipped it (chickaa yeaaa- www.blip.fm/colormekristen, yo).

And on to the poem!

Skipping Stones

Your origin is my ambivalent heart-
These tears aren’t for you.

The options seem meager.
My underfed, shrinking soul grows increasingly unnerved.

Unnerved: to make (someone) lose courage or confidence
His equivocal persona unnerved her.

See also: Perturbed, Unsettled.
Her own doubtful smile perturbed her.

There is but no path to lead-
Consequence of seeing no more than the small stone on which, I now stand.

Let us forget.
Let us worry not.
Let us begin-

Skipping stones.