Thursday, April 30, 2009

The meaning of life

Rough Draft: Give me a hand

Can you please give me a hand?
I’d like this wall to be a little bit higher.

The sky still looks too blue and the birds-
They just look too free.

Can you please give me a hand?
I’d like that door over there to have a few more locks.

People are still walking in and out as they please and the mess-
Every spare moment I have is spent cleaning.

Can you please give me a hand?
I’d like the windows to be a little more soundproof.

I can still hear the teenagers’ music and the sound of carefree play in the sun-
Their lives are unbearably simple.

Can you please give me a hand?
I’d like these shades to be a little bit darker.

I can still see the browns turn into whites, and the greens turning into yellow-
The heat is just too much.

Can you please give me a hand?
There is so much to be done.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Let's write something happy

Living in New York is perfect for me.

I have quite a short attention span so by the time a season changes, I'm absolutely ready for it. That's precisely what's happened with the oncoming of summer. Despite the some would say, brutal heat, I've loved every moment of it! I feel like I have all of this stored up energy and all of it's slowly being released as we reach summer. I love running around with the kids at daycare, swinging on the swings, and playing tag. I don't even mind being all sweaty. I actually somewhat like it. It's kind of like wrinkles on an old man or woman. They're all just signs that you've worked hard, and done something. Being sweaty just means that I've been having fun.

I love feeling the heat of the sun on my skin. Those perfect beach days. Those days where you just lay on the sand with your music and a book, sweating like no other and letting out a deep sigh as each gentle breeze rolls over your body.

Those days where you roll down all of your windows and crank the music. Whether it be cheesy pop a la backstreet boys or katy perry, some bloc party, nirvana, and maybe even a little Eddie Vedder; The into the wild soundtrack is perfect to emphasize the calming effect of any season.

Beginnings are as frightening as they are lovely. The anticipation and anxiety of what the coming season will amount to. How hot, how fun, how many days will be spent in complete and utter boredom?

But with that comes the realization that you are getting to know something anew. That feeling of becoming used to something you haven't experienced in awhile, or possibly ever. The feeling that you'll soon be able to walk around town in a summer dress with a huge iced coffee in hand for the first time since the summer past.

Or maybe it's just that your friends are coming home in just a short few weeks. Drama, boredum, and the lackluster of ones' summer: complaints that are common of every suburban town.

I'm happy for it all. Winter is over. School is over.. for at least this short while.

This strange period of transition is just begun, but it's the small things that keep us going and the shift of the seasons is just my fuel.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


1 Good relationships are built on trust; confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence; reliance. antonym distrust, mistrust, doubt.
2 A position of trust responsibility, duty, obligation.
3 The money is to be held in trust for his son; safekeeping, protection, charge, care, custody; trusteeship.

1 Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of : I should never have trusted her | he can be trusted to carry out an impartial investigation.
2 trust someone with or allow someone to have, use, or look after (someone or something of importance or value) with confidence : I'd trust you with my life.
3 trust someone/something to commit someone or something to the safekeeping of : they don't like to trust their money to anyone outside the family.
4 have confidence; hope (used as a polite formula in conversation) : I trust that you have enjoyed this book.
5 have faith or confidence : she trusted in the powers of justice.
6 trust to place reliance on (luck, fate, or something else over which one has little control) : trusting to the cover of night, I ventured out.

Monday, April 27, 2009

learn-ed (prounounced 'learn-id')

After a long chat with a friend and a personal intrusion by a loved one later on...
I have two things to say.

The first being...

I am a Christian. I believe in God, that Jesus died for me, and that my tattoo "The Lord is peace" is a statement that I find incredibly true and close to my heart.

The second being that...

If you ever have the urge to play psychologist after three glasses of wine... don't. Some things are better left unacknowledged. Sometimes people learn on their own, by making mistakes. Having the ability to be blunt doesn't necessarily make you righteous. Most of the time someone just ends up getting hurt.

The moral of the story is that how people perceive one an other is interesting.
... and no one is perfect.

Thus is life. Good-night, everyone <3

(after reading over this blog it kind of seems like a moment in morality with colormekristen... maybe I'll start a blog series. hooray for you)

Friday, April 24, 2009

Holy crap. Yes, holy.. crap.

Well 1, a thought just popped into my head. Is it in fact emo if you express your feelings once in awhile? I mean, we're people not robots. So am I emo for posting that last blog? *ponders*, yes.. I believe that was pretty darn emo. At least it was well written.

and 2 I feel the strong need to tell all of you about the dream I had last night.

I was in some type of adult education classes and I remember feeling pretty depressed. Something was wrong, and then some how babies popped into my head. All of a sudden I thought it was an amazing idea to have a baby. Next thing I know, a month later or so, I'm walking around with a big belly (despite the fact that I was only a bit over a month). I was going shopping for it, etc. And then.. I started doubting the decision I made. Options of how to take this act back run through my head like abortion which I most definitely didn't want to do, adoption, and I think that's all I could think of. I started to worry about how stupid it was to have a baby since I would be so busy in film school. My parents would not help raise my baby when I would be in the city all day every day.

The next thing that pops into my head is I have to talk to my friend Sarah. So we run into each other at this store which I think is also a restaurant because it had tables, and we're talking and she didn't believe that I was pregnant so I lift up my shirt and show her my belly. I don't remember what she said after that but she lifts up her shirt and she was both pregnant and had some surgery that I had gotten, except hers was completely botched and she had to wear this weird control top suspenders with these suction cups that were supposed to protect the scars. Her scares pretty much looked like Freddy Krugar's face so I was freaking grossed out.

Then I started trying to remember HOW I got pregnant. And I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember whether I just had sex or got artificially inseminated. I had flashbacks of lying on the doctors table waiting for the procedure to be done, but I couldn't be sure whether or not that was just a figment of my imagination.

I then proceeded to go to the doctor again. Sarah had convinced me that it couldn't possibly be a baby, I must just be bloated. So I went to the doctor and as I was awaiting my result my alarm clock went off!!!

I was so mad, I wanted to see whether or not I was going to be pregnant!!! I tried to go back to sleep, but alas.. I will never know whether I was pregnant or just... very fat.

My brain hurts after that dream. But now that I think of it.. I wasn't freaked out by my belly at all. Pregnant bellies completely freak me out, as does the actual process of giving birth and afterwards (my gosh, how could you not be freaked out by that), yet in the dream I actually think I really enjoyed it.

Then again maybe it was just me enjoying being fat? Haha. I'LL NEVER KNOOOOWWWW!

The end *takes advil*

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A cynical bit of truth

After years and years of repeatedly hurting each other, the only way to remain sane is to keep to our own. To stay in your own little world, because God forbid you cross over and try to understand one another.

It's like that saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." I don't care if Mythbusters disproved it. It only works if everyone is committed. The only thing that every one is committed to is making sure their own little corner of the world is o.k.

Relationships are beautiful, but not this way. Not when you can't confide in the ones that you're supposed to. Not when you can't trust those closest to you with each or any of your feelings. All is just attributed to age or flaw.

We tear each other down out of love. Out of misunderstanding. Out of stubbornness and the refusal to change. It's easier to look to your own experiences than to try to understand anothers.

So we withdrawal. We withdrawal from those we are supposed to love, and say we do. I guess in some cases, it's the only way.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The future.

How we treat this planet today will effect our children and our childrens children tomorrow. How we treat ourselves today will effect our children and our childrens children tomorrow.

I am terrified of the results that will become of our behavior.
Water pollution, oil spills, littering... And even worse.. Tight pants.


This tight pants fad can't be at all good for growing and developing boys. Older boys, I'm sure too. Someone should do a study on mens sperm count after the 70s and beforehand. I insist on knowing the results. It's like survival of the fittest. HAHA, that's kind of a pun in this case.

This fad has got to end. But, somehow the tight pants keep on coming back! Absolutely inexorable *scoffs*

Skin tight girls jeans on guys is just unnatural. Do what you want, dress in girls clothing if it really pleases you so.. but skin tight pants from the girls section is just plain bad for you. Not to mention, bad for your love life. Then again, I guess some girls are into that.

You can thank The Jonas Brother for this bought of inspiration.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Invisble Children (The Rescue)

"On April 25th, the international community will unite to deliver the innocent from Kony's reign and ensure he is brought to justice. Thousands of participants will gather in 100 cities across the world to abduct themselves and raise the banner of the child soldiers taken by Joseph Kony.

Those abducted will leave their homes and walk to an event location while carrying their supplies on their backs. At the site, they will then wait to be "rescued" - this requires a certain amount of media coverage as well as the attendance of pre-determined cultural and political leaders. Depending on the size, scope and fervor of the specific event locale, those leaders invited to The Rescue may be a Congressional Representative, State Official, local mayor or local business/media figure.

At the event, participants will write letters, create art/photo projects and seek out media attention in an effort to petition the US, European, Canadian, Mexican and Australian government to develop a strategy and support existing efforts to rescue Kony's child soldiers."

"You must be the change you want to see in the world"
-Mahatma Ghandi

Come and support the cause.
I will be volunteering both days, and if you're interested, you can too!! Here are some links:

Facebook even page-

Official Rescuer Invite Instructional Video-

Official Invisible Children webpage-

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Imma put it on her By Day 26

You can thank MTV for this one..

I’mma put it on her
I’mma I’mma put it on her
I’mma I’mma put it on her
I’m a champ on the track

I’mma put it on her
I’mma I’mma put it on her
I’mma I’mma put it on her
I’mma I’mma put it on her

I’mma put it on her
I’mma I’mma put it on her
I’mma I’mma put it on her
I’mma I’mma put it on her

[Yung Joc]
Day 26
When this one come on
All the ladies gon rush the dancefloor
Please believe me..yeah

(Ay) Throw those deuces up
and add a six on it
Call me Yung J O C I’m bout to spit on it (yeaaah)

I’mma put it on her (yeah)
I’mma I’mma put it on her (yeah)
I’mma I’mma put it on her (yeah)
I’mma I’mma put it on her (yeah)

Doin my two step off of club pure
the Girl walks by rockin christian diore
We mix it up like juicey lacore
I put it on her, time to rock some juicey catore

Take a backseat lets do it in the bj
yeah I know that sounds so cliche
she outta breathe cause we been cuttin like a dj
she’s on top of me, beneathe me is the freeway (ooh)

[Verse One - Willie]
Honey walked up in the club dress lookin’ like it’s painted on
I can tell that she ain’t got any panties on
Well, baby that’s the way that I like it (yeah)
And I know she’s from the hood
The way she drop it so hard
Booty bumpin’ like the sounds in my car (she should)
Let me take it up a notch
Get her off the block
Take her to my spot and it’s on

That's just a snippet from the beginning of the song Imma put it on her by Day 26. The band from P diddys making the band 4. WHAT IS GOING ON?! Most songs on the radio are about sex, etc. but seriously, this is getting ridiculous.

"Honey walked up in the club dress lookin’ like it’s painted on, I can tell that she ain’t got any panties on" THAT IS NOT MUSIC. I really need to know, are there seriously people out there dancing to this, rapping along saying "00o, baby, this is my jaaaam."

2 become 1 by the spice girls is one thing, even I like big Butts by Sir mix alot is one thing. At least that's a complete joke. It has some style, it's original. This is just.. should not be called hip hop.

I was talking to my friend the other day about who was bigger and more influential, Queen or The Beatles. It's a hard question and I don't think you can compare the two bands. They influenced music and society in two very different ways. When you think about it, however, there have been no seriously original and influential bands since the 90s. If you disagree, please let me know, I'm intrigued to hear what other people have to say on this matter. Boy bands and Britney spears don't count. The last person I can think of is Kurt Cobain from Nirvana.

What is the fate of music? Why is it that our most popular music continues to hold less and less meaning? With less staying power?

I have some ideas, but that would make this quite a big longer and I don't think anyone wants to read me rant about popular culture and today's society.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Darn me

Darn me and my incredibly horrible short term memory. Awhile ago I watched this independent movie on either fancast or hulu... and now I need your help!!

I've completely forgotten the name of the movie. I have been trying to find out, but no luck, yet. Help? *smiles; innocently bats eyelashes*

It takes place in Texas, I believe, in either the late 80s or 90s. I wouldn't particularly say there is much of a plot, however there is definitely something that pulls you in. It's driven by all of the characters thoughts and emotions and how all of the characters communicate with each other. The movie starts out with a guy in a taxi (smoking like crazy) talking about something, politics maybe? He was talking to the taxi driver. The whole movie goes on like that, you are kind of given a front seat to a ton of different conversations and the camera passes on from scene to scene, character to character.

It seems like it would be borning, and choppy.. but somehow it's not. I remember looking it up on rottentomatoes and it got pretty good reviews.

DARN. I wish I could remember more.

There was also stuff about a guy who shot his mom, and then... Well, lots of other things frankly.. it's a full length movie with essentially.. just dialogue.

All of the characters are young, but basically "townies" on the down and out.

If you have any idea what I'm talking about... let me know.