Monday, November 30, 2009


I hope I get an e-mail from the housing department of VCU sooner than later, because it's getting scary close to when I start school and I have yet to know where I'm living. They said I should get it within the next 2 weeks...

If I don't get housing then I'm going to have to find randoms to live with from Craigslist. I'm fine with it, but I'm going to have to enlist boy toy to go look at the apartments.


Now to annoy the woman who asked me to make up a website for her. She never responded to the reply e-mail I sent a week ago and I need to be persistent If I really want to get a job with her offices in Richmond.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


It's that time of year... or almost that time of year.

I'm already thinking about what my new years resolutions will be because I have so many things I want to change. I'm only going to stick to two very doable ones though.

1-I will be more Frugal
2-I will eat better.

Friday, November 20, 2009

People, Animals, Things, and Fictional Characters that are kind of alone and mostly o.k. with it

1- Rory Gilmore (when she's in yale)

2- Wall-E
3- Robert Neville (but that isn't really the best example... He kind of dreams about having sex with vampires and drinks himself into stupors)

4- Jimmy Kudo (from the manga Case Closed. I mean... he has the professor man, but that's the only person that really knows it's him inside that kid body)

5- Horton the Elephant (He's was all alone when it came to protecting that lil clover... but then the he becomes friends with the entire jungle and the who world in the end)

6-Mark (from rent) He has all those great friends, but ends up isolating himself

7-Basically everyone from Spring Awakening (their whole society was messed up basically forcing them into isolation from each other and who they really were as people)

8-Chunky Rice and Dandel (from Good-bye, Chunky Rice) They have each other but then Chunky Rice has to move on. At least they miss each other together. That's kind of sweet.

9-Steve (Blue's Clues) I mean, really... all of his 'friends' are dogs or pieces of furniture. I'd say that qualifies him as alone.

10-Michael Jackson

11-Pocahantes (she has a whole tribe moves to a different world, only of her kind and then... dies)

12-Asterios Polyp

13-Leonard (Memento) I mean... he's not o.k. with being alone. He lost the love of his life. But none the less he goes on.

14-Spartacus (the movie. if you haven't seen it... watch it now)

15-Great White sharks


17-Beta Fish (even though the males do make the bubble nests even when there is no girl around)

18-Giant Panda (they're UUBER aggressive and live in isolation)

19-Max Head Room

20-Tyler Durden/Narrator (Fight Club)

21- Judas Iscariot (I mean... he had all the disciples and Jesus and then betrayed them. Good going, Asshole)

Nobody reads the long ones

I'm alone. I'm fucking alone and that's just how it is. It's how it's going to be for awhile, and I just have to deal with it. Until then... if there even is a then, I'm just going to smoke a cigarette and cower in bed with the blankets over my head.

Not at the same time, though. That would be dangerous.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Alphabet Survey (I'm a sucker for 'em)

- Available: nope
- Age: 20
- Annoyances: disloyalty, mouth breathers, fake people
- Afternoons or mornings: Uh... probably mornings because I get really tired in the afternoon

- Best Friend: Don't have one
- Beer: Why not.
- Birthday: August 27
- Best month: October or November (because it's the peak of fall!)
- Best day: Friday

- Crush: I mean, there are some celeb "crushes" possibly
- Candy: Laffy Taffy and the occasional peace of frozen dark chocolate
- Colour: Don't have a favorite
- Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
- Criminal Record: None.

- Day or Night: It depends. I hate being tired at night, but I love staying up.
- Dream Vehicle: Just a nice sturdy peace a junk. aka VOLKSWAGEN BUS! YUSSS.
- Dream: To be happy and successful

- Easiest Person To Talk To: ... I don't know.
- Eggs: With cheese and some toast, thanks.
- End of the line: what about it?

- First Crush: A little boy in nursery school. I always put my naptime mat next to his. he had brown hair and bowl cut
- Fuck vs Feck: FUCK
- Fave piece of clothing: Just a nice comfy t-shirt
- Fave song atm: well I've been singing a buddy holly song for the past hour "it doesn't matter anymore"
- Future: college, move to either san fran, boston, or vancouver/toronto, get a job, go to grad school.

- Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Gummy bears :-D FRIENDS. (<3@violentservent style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">- Giver or Taker: I'm a giver, but I also like to take. It's all about the thought.
- Greatest moment in life: Realizing I'm great at something
- Gold or Silver: Both!

- Hair: it does what it wants. CRAZY CURLS.
- Happy: I tend to be a happy person. Sad sometimes, yes. but I tend to find my way out of holes.
- Hat: those slouchy ones. such a great cure for a bad hair day. the hot pink one is my favvv :-)
- Hugs: Only by people I'm comfortable with, but then YES absolutely!!

- Ice Cream: Green Tea (but only the really sugary stuff, not the natural kind. Bonsai has the BEST)
- Instrument: Ukulele
- Is there anything you would tell yourself 3 years ago: DON'T GO TO GORDON COLLEGE!!!
- Invisible for a Day: Yes, please. I'd probably just sit in a park or something and observe. I'd be too scared to spy on my friends and loved ones.

- Jewellry : my rings.
- Job: None right now, but when I start school I'm going to look for one.
- Jeans: my ripped pair that I got from a friend. they're so old and stained!

- Kids: hahah no. not yet. no no no. one day.
- King for the day: I'd declare my birthday national bear hug day.

- Lie ins: ... what?
- Longest Car Ride: I'm not sure... probably when I was 12/13 and I drove to Oregon from NY with my sister
- Life: Yup... life.

- Milk Flavor: I'll just take the original milk flavor, thanks.
- Music: yes yes yes, please.

- Number Of Siblings: 2
- Number : 27
- Note to self: Don't sweat the small stuff.

- One Wish: Oh, pish posh in wishes. You make what you want come true. Hopes and wishes mean crap.
- One Phobia: pregnant bellies.
- One song: one song glory from Rent (adam pascal forgetting the words all the time kind of ruins it for me though)
- One love: I'm not sure.

- Part Of Your Personality That You Like: I'm very driven
- Physical Feature on yourself you like: Hm... my smile? Such a cop out answer, though. I'm not sure.
- Physical Feature on opposite sex you like: it changes. I tend to like forearms for some reason.

- Quick or Slow: slow
- Queen for the day: sure

Reason 2 Smile: Honestly, right now it's because I'm proud of myself.
Reason 2 Cry: Eh. Crying shmrying.
Rolos vs Refreshers: .... neither? I don't really know what either of those are, really...

Song You Last Heard: buddy holly "you won't matter anymore" like i said... i've been playing it.
Song You Are Hearing: some background song for the show Cake Boss

- Tattoo: I have 3 and have others in mind, but won't get any for a long time.
- Time Now: 12:00 AM exactly
- Time For Bed: when I'm feeling all cozy in bed and am too tired to wait through commercials lol
- Time of Birth: I don't remember.. sometime around 1-3 in the afternoon or something
- Treat: piece of frozen dark chocolate or raspberry sorbet

- Useless: your mom
- Unusual: me, I guess.
- Umbrella or hood: hoody poo.

- Vegetable You Hate: don't really really hate any. I stand tomatoes.
- Vegetable You Love: green peppers or carrots... does corn count?
- Vertigo: never had it. makes me think of arrested development. i hate the song.

- Worst Habits: hm... I let laundry build up when I'm at home.
- Worst Day: a few come to mind.
- Worst Person: hahah a lot come to mind, but "worst person" is quite harsh.
- Worst thing you own: a lot of things.
- Why?: fjdsal;fjsdkla;fds

- X-Rays: in my eyes preferably. anywhere else and it would be useless to have xray vision. xray vision butt LAWL. Ok.
- Xylophone: I want one to play with.

- Year It Is Now: 2009 but soon 2010 (CRAZY)
- Yellow: I rather like that color but it doesn't look to good on me.

- Zoo Animal: Elephants and cool furry things.
- Zodiac Sign: Leo/Virgo cusp

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The only verdict. The best verdict.

Sitting on my bed, I glanced out the window as the rain began to drizzle down. Heavier and heavier the rain fell, and It strangely made me happy. I felt warm inside as I thought of how it reminded me of Virginia.

(and then I thought, what the heck... why am I saying that about VIRGINIA of all places?)

It's because of the possibilities. I've been living through only dreams of all of the possibilities for my life this past year. That isn't living at all. At what point am I going to stop dreaming of what path to take, and actually start living my life?

I've been stagnant despite my absolute focus solely on getting into school and learning the craft I want to pursue.

Things have changed, and I have to roll with it, because I'm sick of not living my life.

In a few weeks I'm going to get a letter saying that my application for the pre-requisite to Photography and Film-BFA was denied. I'll probably cry, but I'll get over it. Because I need to start doing something. Whatever it is.

On January 13th I'll be moving down to Richmond, Virginia so in (at the most) 3 years time I'll have a degree. What comes after that? I have no idea.

And now, how many times have I said that this year?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Gordon College was the worst decision of my young life.

I hate that I've been forced to doubt my decisions again.

I had VCU in the bag. Everything so perfectly on the horizon. It's only my fault, however. I overlooked one small, yet extremely defining detail between the Cinema-BA and Photography and Film-BFA majors.

I've fought so hard this past year to figure out what I want to do with my life and where I want to be. I figured it out and was finally so confident with where I was going to be and what I was going to be doing... and now, I'm lost.

The nutshell is this: shit shit shit blah blab blah I can't be a film major sob sob sob tears sob.

Exhibit A- Another Kristen "what the fuck am I going to do" freak out moment x2

Being a Journalism/Broadcasting major means NOTHING to me without that Photography and Film-BFA right there next to it.

But, what it comes down to is... time. Time and responsibility. I have to get my degree.
... and I'll have no more of this applying to schools at almost 21, already years behind. I'll have no more of living at home- any longer would be unbearable. Leaving NY Film Academy not an option as I would have no time to have a job to pay for an apartment/living expenses while attending there.

I'm absolutely fucked. But at least in about 3 years I'll be absolutely fucked with a Bachelor of Sciences degree in Journalism/Broadcasting from Virginia Commonwealth University. That's all I can do.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Going to Gordon College was the biggest mistake of my life. Leaving it was, too.

Oh, well. I go on. We'll see what happens, now...


Sunday, November 1, 2009

Well, I lied. Didn't I, now?

I feel an affinity for you, blogspot and I will not abandon you.

It's called glorious inspiration...

Or rather, just something kind of cool that came out of a colormekristen eeeeemmmmo0 moment... yupp.

I don't know her name yet, but she's rad. And I'm excited to start writing.

It's most certainly not going to be any kind of Nanowrimo novel... More of a mixed media piece. I don't want to give away too much, because I have no idea where it's going to head.

You're going to want to get lost with her. I kind of want to get lost with her already.

I'm being kind of creepy about this character I've dreamed up, aren't I? I guess it's kind of an alter ego.

Happy writing, everyone. It's November 1.